| Im back. |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|03:30 pm] |
Thought it was about time I took all my BC rage and turned it into interesting musings for all to read.
More later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|11:07 am] |
mehhh. why must god hate me so. maybe because i am a little asian bitch, lol.
anywho. last night i was a work from 5-11 and i made 7, yes.....7!!!! dollars in tips. and then this morning i had to wake up around weird...7 (my lucky fucking number) to do compuer stuff...then my parents are coming, so i have to clean my room, then i get to go take 2 tests in the same class. yes two. should be interesting.
on another note, i miss tyler and i have decided this fact shall remain for the rest of my life...as miserable as that may be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|02:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
so i went to ferris last night. i figured, hey i havent seen corey in a while, he lives 35 min away and its always nice to see someone you know from home.
i get there and immediately we go to the townhouses which are IDENTICAL in fact to hillcrest (which explains why throughout the night i was like "okkkk...im going over to campppus wessst. whos comin? and everyone is like, where crazy asian girl??) to hang out with his entire hockey team. :] which was not a bad thing. so we drink there for a while, and the weird thing was that i missed being with him. Like, you would think, oh its corey, you guys arent dating so hes going to flirt with other girls, be a boy etc. Not at all. the entire night it was me and him and him introducing me to everyone and it was awesome. i think in a way i needed that? and it made me feel much better about the entire ty situation.
we end up going to a bar and getting in because they are the hockey team? i felt very VIP i might add, and we basically drank for free. it was great.
wake up the next morning to a bad bad hangover, and a missed call from ty.
go figure.
im going to have to take ferris trips more often :] |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|04:34 pm] |
me and boys. just will never work.
...not saying im a lesbian. or that theres anything wrong with that.
...just saying the boys dont like me. and the one who does i dont know if i like that much.
doh.
i wish we could order boyfriends online. maybe i should create that. and then i would be rich and then i wouldnt be wasting time at college. yea...that sounds good.... |
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| another night... |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|03:16 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scared | ] |
so i just sent tylers sister the longest email ive ever written. because her brother keeps breaking my heart.
its not that weve been broken up for 9 months that kills me, ( ok, maybe it is) its the fact that he can hurt me so much even after all that time.
its just that every call that i cant hear any emotion in his voice hurts me, everytime we hang up the phone and i know hes not going to say i love you, everytime he lies to me and i find out and yet i keep hanging on, because i cant bring myself to love anyone else...that is why it kills me.
and yes, i know i deserve better and i dont need to hear that i do. because i know the advise people will give me, and i know i should listen to it, but its harder to make your heart believe that the person you love with everything you have, is slowly slipping away from you.
i cant keep doing this. its a pain that is so lingering and just dwells until that right song is played, the right picture is looked at, or the right memory is thought of. that i just....
break down.
everyday. |
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| why girls are psycho. |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|12:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | im all out of love- air supply | ] |
so ive decided that just the fact that boys are in our lives makes our lives miserable.
you cant (or i cant) really be happy without one, yet sometimes when you are with that person they make you miserable just the same.
the fact that i have been cheated on is going to and has seriously fucked me up for the rest of my life. im not going to be able to be secure in a relationship because im always going to have that little uneasy feeling that he is cheating on me in the back of my head. and how the FUCK are you supposed to meet any decent guys at college?....pick their sleezy asses up at a bar or club? i dont think so. i highly doubt i am going to meet my long time significant other at a time when guys hormones are going nuts.
so i think its safe to say that i am going to ride the single bus for quite a while. which is not my choice but tyler has fucked me over and as much as he lies to me and treats me like shit, i cant really get over him because he is the only meaningful relationship ive had. so. THANKS A FUCKING BUNCH DICKHOLE.
oh yeah, and i did meet a boy. his name is ryan and hes my friends roomate. and he plays football and wants to go to med school and hes very very cute. but will i ever do anything about it? no. cause i suck at life and i probably wont talk to him again even though im sure ill see him again.
*i dont believe in magic anymore. |
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| summer days drifting away.... |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|11:39 am] |
its getting easier. and its because i realized i have to let go of what i fear doing the most....and the weirder (even a word?) thing is that i figured this out in star wars last night.??
tyler was sitting two rows in front of me with all his stoner friends and i realized if i cant come to terms with the fact that we may never be together again then i wil have no real chance to be happy or live the life that i want.
so i fugured this out as Palpatine (?) killed sammy jackson and then after i walk out of the movie, i give ty a hello and thats it.
fastforward 20 min, its 1230 and HE CALLS ME.
go fucking figure.
whos got control now biotch.
and things with corey couldnt be better. he is so good to me and i finally can let myself be treated like i should be. <3
random thought of the day- why do guys like ethnic girls? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2005|10:29 pm] |
he sent me flowers. at work. and his mom delivered them.
im falling hard here people...
i forgot what it felt like to have butterflys.... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2005|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | damien rice | ] |
its so. weird.
im dating someone. whos not ty. and i think i like it. for now anyways.
we will see---- but my heart is healing a little more everyday :]
"i cant take my eyes off of you" |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2005|11:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | heartbroken | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | deathcab | ] |
its so different. in ways both good and bad....
good in the way that i need affection and im getting it- but bad in the way that its not ty and its nothing that is of any substance....i think.
i just.want.him.back. |
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| summer fun |
[May. 11th, 2005|11:47 am] |
so last night tje and i went to the soccer game...and decided we were going to leave. SO we try turnin the old lexus around only to find out weve been blocked in my some stupid girl whos basically all the way across the damn parking lot with her and her other snot nosed brace face friends. WONDERFUL.
so we put it in park and decide to wait it out.
we end up having to stay at this grotesque highschool event and i see fuck ass, and he makes me cry and so we leave.
but then spirits are raised when we go to josh's house. tje, my teacher shows me how to "chip" a golf ball and then we pick up dave glenn and get some appetizers at north peak. josh loves the car so much that we go pick up cam and B and take a drive out on the penninsula...packed in the back of this lexus is me, tje and dave and we go smoke some cigars and call it a night.
ahhhh....i love my friends. and i also would like to say that my grade was the last worthwhile class to ever graduate from TC West...with a few exceptions. seriously. well, specifically tylers friends are mostly fuckwits and they should all go get bent. swwwweeet lets get high everyday cause were bad asses- NO! noone likes you and i hope you die.
sorry. harsh, yes but i hate him |
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| so much drama in the big TC..... |
[May. 2nd, 2005|02:33 pm] |
so just when i think ive done it- gone and found a newbie....NOPE.
evidently hes still friends with benefits with a few people- how weird.
whatever.
ive had fun the past few days with my crew.
saturday night i hung out with shoe, oli, alex, rudoni, kevin, and mitch....we picked up some booze, played some cards- good night all in all.
last night i hung out with shoe and alex and mitch again and watched tv for oh....4 hours. god, there is nothing to do in this town until the temp reaches 70.
and ty comes back on thurs- and im really nervous that im going to let it start again and then at the end of summer im going to get my heart broken again. i cant even describe what he is to me- hes like an addiction...i miss him so much and us being together and how he is when hes home- but the person he is when hes away makes me hate him so much. i dont know- i cant let go of him but i want to - i just cant see him being anyones but mine... |
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| of course |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|03:46 pm] |
so, this happens to me every fricken time.
i start hanging out with someone and then i have to leave?!
im just glad that i got to hang out with a good guy.... :]
go me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|05:46 pm] |
GOD DAMN IT! annnnnd since i posted last i did it AGAIIIIN.......
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck man!
im done. no really.....i am.
but someone may need to take my phone away.
whitttttt i need youuuuuuuu |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|04:45 pm] |
i just cant seem to do it.
as much as i really want to - and even as much as i know i need to...i cant get over him.
and it makes me so sad. how can i see how bad someone is for me and keep going back...because i love him.
and i cant stop talking to him and i cant stop loving him and every day for the last 6 months i have thought of him.
and i hate it |
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| exam week....once again... |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
You Are Mulan!
 Strong and spirited. You're no one's girly girl; actually you are a tomboy with a strong sense of self. Never let go of that! The only thing that equals your sense of self is your family, but the traditions of society can always be bent to protect something you love. Which Disney Princess Are You?
weird...why wouldnt i be mulan?
also...i thought this was appropriate----
"Today we salute you stressed out college student during exam week. As you sit in your lonely cubicle in the library, doped up on starbucks and aderol, you think to yourself, am i ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. Im sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you've checked your buddy list 800 times. Summer break is just days away and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, summer break will be spent in rehab."
BOOYEAh---- time to study ;] |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|12:25 pm] |
only one more weekend in allendale before home for the summer....kind of sad in the way that im not going to have any friends to hang out with when i go home. :[
butttt on the other hand just to be home in tc will be wonderful.
so funny story- coming back from bloomfield from a dance competition we decided to stop at a wendy's. cause hill and rael were hungry ( i was going out to eat in like an hour and a half so i wasnt going to eat)
so they order and were standing around in this shit hole and messing around with the kid behind the register whos name we found out was nate....and all of a sudden hes like, "what did you want" to me- and im like, "oh, i have no money so im not going to get anything" and hes like, "well are you hungry?" and im like, "kind of but i dont need anything" and hes like "well what do you want"?
ok kid. i have no money, back off.
and then hes like, "well ill get it for you."
WHAT?
im like, "are you serious" half hoping hes not cause im fat and free food of any kind is good.
and so he buys me french fries!
then after that we flag him down to our table and rael is like, "i think im going to need your number nate."
so we laughed for a while and then called him. at work. hahahahaha. and HE PICKED UP!
fun weekend all in all but if anyone wants to hang out in tc, let me know so im not so lonely lol. |
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| fucking psycho |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|12:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | scared | ] |
so this morning i wrote my roomate a note and put it on the fridge cause she took all the spices back and some were mine, so i left her a note on the fridge asking for them back cause she wasnt home....wel about three seconds later, she and her mom come back and walk past me in the kitchen.
the very first thing her mom says is, this place smells like FUCKING SHIT. yeah, cause YOUR daughter doesnt clean....
but then, her mom sees the note and goes crazy...her mom starts screammmming outside my door... "oh youve got to be fucking kidding me!!! you wrote you a fucking note cause she doesnt have the fucking balls to say it to youre face----just consider it payment for all the fucking money she owes you!!!"
and then she breaks a dish....omg. so im in my room scared as all hell cause the whole family is racist and crazy and the spawn of satan.
wonderful. |
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| sundays in allendale |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|10:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | one thing- amerie | ] |
yesterday was wonderful for two reasons.
1. hillary, rael and i layed outside in the blazing sun for 2 hrs and got tan!
2. i bitched out their psycho roomate.
also while we were laying outside there were some sneaky peepers staring at us across the parking lot....so we went inside, made twice baked potatoes and then went to the pub for....dessert of course. and OF COURSE while we were there, we decided that a huuuge brownie wasnt enough for us, oh no, so we got the biggest plate of nachos you can imagine. grosss.
so we get home and we hear her roomates talking about us. as usual. so the crazy one comes down and i call her out. BOOM its ON! im like, "why were you talking about us?" and she denys it which pisses me off so then we proceed to rip her a new asshole- she threatens to turn them in and get them a 250 dollar fine because I STAY AT THEIR APT MORE THAN 3 NIGHTS IN A MONTH>???! (which she really cant prove anyways, maybe i leave at 3 in the morning?) so then she gets pissed off cause we call her a loud, bitchy person and leaves for the night. awwww snap.
as i said wonderful night :] |
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